Lasts

This is definitely the "season of lasts:" I turned in my last research paper on Wednesday, I just sat through my last college lecture at ACU, I'm going to my last chapel in the next half hour, and so on. Many of these "lasts" I'm looking forward to. The conclusion of my undergraduate career is a huge milestone and each little reminder that I'm almost finished is welcome. I'm really looking forward to a job where I can go home in the evenings without stuff hanging over my head. School is never over. You go to class, study, work, and run errands during the day, but when you go home there is a pile of homework, projects, and studying still to be done. There is never an end to the to-do list since, I usually turn in one assignment only to see it replaced with another one immediately. However, this week, when I turn in my last homework assignment for Dynamics on Monday, there won't be another one to take it's place. When I take my last Quantum Mechanics test on Thursday, I won't have to start reading the next sections in the text book in preparation for class the next day. It is a relief.

However, there are lasts that I am not looking forward to: the last hugs, the last meals with friends, the last adventures, the last Sunday worship services with my family. To be honest, it really hasn't set in yet that I'm leaving, possibly never to return, possibly to never see certain people again. It's still normal to hit the road at the end of the Spring Semester and go home to Montana for the summer, the abnormality is not having to prepare for school again in the Fall. But at some point next week, even though I've never been an emotional person, I'm worried that the clash of emotions going on inside me is going to come out; sentimentality and nostalgia will rise to the surface and might even induce some tears.

I don't really know what kind of conclusion I'm trying to come to with this post. It's nice to try and express this inner struggle with wanting to "cut loose" of undergrad, ACU, and dry, flat, brown, west Texas and not leaving the friends, family, and "home" that I've come to enjoy so much here in this place. Thankfully I still have a week to wrestle with it, say my goodbyes, and put off as many of the painful "lasts" as possible.